Good News for Hard Rock Thinkers

The Complaint (Free) Department

Do you know any “Complaint Specialists”? You don’t have to be a psychologist to diagnose the symptoms. Venting. Negative phrasing. Finger pointing. Blame. For a complainer, this type of communication just seems to be normal.

And cognitive scientists agree! Your brain grows cells in your areas of specialty and focus. Dr. Ellen Weber, director of the MITA Brain Based Centre illustrates the point through MRI evidence. She says, “The areas in the brain that control the fingers, tongue and lips are larger in flute players. An accountant who works with numbers every day has a larger representation in the area of the brain that controls math ability.”

You continue to grow positive or negative connections whether you are 17 or 71. Age does not matter.

You can re-wire your brain into more positive or more toxic modes: take your pick.


The 21 Day C-Challenge

In a previous column, I challenged readers to track their levels of complaining for 21 days. Habitual behaviors can be changed with conscious effort in only three weeks. So, if I’m going to suggest it, I’m going to try it. Our household took on the C-Challenge, starting July 1.

Within the first 24 hours, my personal attempt to forego venting and finger pointing failed. In fact, I messed up within the first 2 hours. With a long sigh, I said, “I am so sick and tired of moving my make-up in and out of this bathroom. When are you going to finish the renovations already!”. The irritation in my own voice signaled the cue instantly; I heard myself loud and clear. All I could do was to laugh and say,

“#$)*%@ - this isn’t easy!”.

My husband lasted longer. At the 4 hour mark, his frustration with his new digital camera equipment got the better of him. Even though he’s a really easy going retired guy, technology always gets his grrrrr factor going. His brain has been trained to react. We are both suffering from rock hard brain-itis? Not so...

We started again.

Seven days into the C-Challenge, we are learning about the underlying importance of “mindfulness”, paying attention to our patterns and relationships in the “now”. Mindfulness requires that we let go of our judgments and criticisms and concentrate instead, on generating choices of expression.

We have come to realize that a partner in this C-Challenge is crucial. We catch each other’s phrasing about simple, everyday events like the weather. Instead of grumbling about the rainy forecast, I choose to say nothing. Rather than expressing irritation about technology, we both search for answers on the help site.

We’re taking the nomad lifestyle – I no mad at you, you no mad at me – to the extreme, and laughing more. Our brains are loving it!

Join us? Try the C-Challenge for 21 days and let us know how it goes.

Comments on this blog are not shared unless you specifically ask for publication. All requests for coaching are held confidential.

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Maggie Chicoine is a Master Coach, Facilitator, Professional Speaker and Writer based in Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada. She is a regular columnist for Lake Superior News and The Country Register.

Reach her at 1 800 687 1767 or http://www.theideasculptor.com/ or maggiechicoine@gmail.com. “Experience speaks…with a twist of ingenuity”

Watch for her new series: Superior Secrets – A Good Night’s Sleep featuring exceptional properties on the shores of Lake Superior.

Photos by Richard Chicoine.

All Rights Reserved.

Your Face LEAKS

Your Mind Shows On Your Face

"The human mind is a lot like the human egg, and the human egg has a shut-off device. When o­ne sperm gets in, it shuts down so the next o­ne can't get in. The human mind has a big tendency of the same sort.” - Charlie Munger

Your face leaks. Whatever you might be thinking shows up as the raise of an eyebrow or the furl of your lip. Reading facial “body language” gives you the most clues about the intricacies of character.

What’s in a face?

Think about an imaginary line that connects in a square, eyebrow to eyebrow, cheek to cheek and forehead to chin. That’s the key space captured by cartoonists and portrait photographers. Let’s just say that your personality lives there. It’s home base.

The lines and wrinkles that have formed over the years, are proof of who you are and what you have been thinking. Your unique character is visible to the world from across a football field. Split second impressions which slip across your face thousands of times a day, are instantly interpreted – or misinterpreted by friends and strangers through their own rose coloured glasses.

So when your mind shuts off, or judges someone or something, your face leaks those thoughts, even if you don’t say a word out loud.

Facts About Your Face

Among the findings of Professor Dacher Keltner Ph.D. at the University of Berkley, California:

· There are six basic expressions: happiness, anger, fear, disgust, surprise and calm

· With just 44 muscles, nerves and blood vessels threaded through a scaffolding of bone and cartilage, all layered over by supple skin, the face can twist into 5000 expressions, from an outward grin to a faint sneer.

· There is a distinct difference between feigned and real expression, and in the biological responses produced.

· Smiling eyes can actually pull the face into a smile through the zygomatic muscles.

· We send and read signals at lightening speed and over great distances. The lift of an eyebrow, which lasts a sixth of a second, can register surprise or displeasure even at a distance of 150 feet.

· Smiles are so important to communication that we can see them more clearly than any other expression at a distance of over 300 feet (the length of a football field)

· Facial expressions are largely universal. Babies are programmed to read faces; it is genetic and evolutionary.

· When a female baby hears a loud noise or gets anxious, she wants to make eye contact.

· When a male baby hears a loud noise or gets anxious, he will react by looking around, in a fight or flight response.

· Culture and experience can dull our ability to display and interpret emotions. Abused children may not correctly interpret facial expressions for example.

Let me issue a WARNING:

“Displays of emotion are only half of the equation. How they are interpreted is the other half.”

We are all quite good at reading the obvious signals, but we need to remember that reading faces is complicated. Shortcuts and snap judgments can lead to misinterpretation. Keep the whole conversation in mind before jumping to conclusions.

As a Master Coach, I’ve found that many of my clients aren’t aware of the signals they send, especially when they are subconsciously judging a comment. Eyebrows, eye movements, the tilt of your head can destroy a career opportunity during an interview. A welcoming nod, understanding smile or a kind signal of reassurance can change the mood of a stalled negotiation.

Take a closer look at the distinctive character of faces. They are fascinating. Pay attention to what your mind is telling you. What signals are you sending in return?

This is a study that can keep you amused for a lifetime.


Maggie Chicoine is a professional speaker, facilitator, writer and Master Coach. She specializes in Strategic Systems Thinking. “Experience Speaks…with a twist of ingenuity.”

Reach her at 1 800 587 1767 or www.theideasculptor.com

New Column! “Superior Secrets: A Good Place to Sleep Series”, featuring exceptional lodgings on the shores of Lake Superior.

Maggie and her photographer husband Richard hit the highways this summer in search of fab accommodations in Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Ontario’s north shore: antique rich B&B’s, magnificent garden Inns and condos a step away from cobblestone beaches.

Photo Credit: Richard Chicoine at Egli's Sheep Farm, Dryden Ontario Canada

Tell Your Story, Dump Your Baggage

Forget Me Knots


“Still, in a way, nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t the time, and to see it takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” - Georgia O’Keefe


Turning a knot into a turning point, takes time. How much of your lifetime are your devoting to growing forget me "knots"? Yes, this play on words involving perennials, has a message. (By the way, the flower in the picture is not a tulip, as some men would argue.)

We've all had friends who tell us to “get over it”. “Let it go.” “Just get on with it already.” Easier said than done, right?

To truly move ahead, you have to do a personal inventory. What’s the stuff you just can’t let go of? Here's the biggest clue. Which stories do you tell, over and over again, almost with the same wording every time someone is willing to listen?

So that’s the first clue. Your Stories.

Listen to your own stories, especially the ones you could tell strangers as well as family. You will hear the regrets, the frustration, the anger bursting through in your words, and your voice. Things that were never totally resolved, that hang on like weeds in your soul.

As a Coach, I hear the angst in the voice, and stories repeated session after session. The following is a true story told by a small business owner. I have made minor edits to her verbatim account, which will appear in "Creative Confessions" later this year.

As you read, pick out the phrases that tell you she has lots of unresolved baggage.

“I’d say that I have a lifelong history of low self esteem and low self worth, letting everybody else but me determine who I was and who I should be and how I should be. I thought that I should be somebody that makes other people happy, doesn’t rock the boat, and it would depend on the kind of situation I was in, friendship wise as to who I portrayed.

I was somebody that would tell you what I thought you wanted to hear. So that I did not rock the boat. As opposed to somebody who would tell you what you needed to hear, and deal with the waves.

As I look back my strongest and happiest time was when my marriage ended, I had this total fu attitude and lots of people were attracted to me. And then probably because of my history of low self esteem I got into a friendship that I thought was good and got me back into a cycle of telling you wanted to hear and what you wanted me to be.

Its ironic because I really didn’t think that being happy would be so hard, because that’s what I ever really wanted and it’s cost me friendships.

There were some communication glitches (in this friendship), we’ll call them, but had there been good communication we wouldn’t’ have had a problem. I suppose there may have been a problem but it might not have escalated, because with honesty and openness and communication… that’s speculation.

I had not been true to myself, there was a lot of situations that felt uncomfortable to me, because do unto others would have them do unto you, I didn’t think that someone would screw somebody over because I would never screw somebody over. It became apparent that this was a mind game, and because of my past history of abusive first marriage full of mind games, I realized how I let myself fall back into that pattern.

I confronted her about it, she lied and said that she never said that and doesn’t appreciate the gossip. And later on that night her husband phoned, and confronted me about confronting her and told me that he was with her the whole time and she had never said that, and asked if I was calling them both f’ing liars? So I left voicemail messages that I would pick up my stuff, and even with 2 vehicles in the driveway there was no answer at the door. The next day I had a message on the machine asking me not to go to her house again. The next day there was a fax with a notice of trespass against me, that I was not allowed on her property.”

Living in the NOW:

“Let your story go”

“Move away from your knots”

"Quite often I find in life that you go back into relationships whether they are healthy or not. And I thought I had made great strides, but I did not realize that I was still carrying baggage with me, which I why I got into these business relationships and friendships over the years.

Being self employed is a very long tough rewarding challenging exciting draining energizing journey that’s not for wimps. Neither is growing old, as my mom always tells me. Be prepared for lots of ups and lots of downs. I was thinking about how people come into your life for a reason, season and a lifetime. So I was thinking about my friend and smiled and said hi when I saw her years later, and she turned her head and walked past me.

So I was thinking the other day that I realized the reason was to teach me how it feels to be true to yourself and stand up for your own integrity and how much it can cost to do that. It was a 28 year friendship, but I wouldn’t change it."

Forget Me Nots as the Option

Legend says, that the tiny blue, pink and white perennials called Forget Me Nots (MFK) symbolize faith and enduring love.

Give yourself a bouquet, just as lovers did in medieval times.

Apparently, a knight and his lady were walking along the side of a river. He picked a posy of flowers, but because of the weight of his armour he fell into the river. As he was drowning he threw the posy to his loved one and shouted "Forget-me-not". This is a flower connected with romance and tragic fate. It was often worn by ladies as a sign of faithfulness and enduring love

When your story becomes part of your past, your language changes. You speak mostly in the “now”. You are able to take the memory and enjoy the turnaround. You live what you have learned.

As our entrepreneur finishes her story, think about what your own ending should be, once you've moved past your knots.

“I know I’m growing. Things don’t hang on, to shit, hurt and anger. I let go and let god. And I look for the lesson in everything because there is one. Sometimes its difficult but sometimes its not, you have to take it all.

Learn to slow down, I’ve been doing exceptionally well managing stress, I’m allergic to it, so now I just take a couple of deep breaths and tell myself that all I can do is the best I can do. One step at a time instead of looking at the whole buffet of tasks, just take one serving. It’s a lot easier.”

This week's assignment from your Coach on Call:

Listen to your own story. Edit. Release. Move on.

If you need to bounce this concept, just call or leave a comment. All responses are individual. I do not publish any comments.

- Maggie

Photo Credit this week: Joni Sharkey

This Cracks You UP

Pay Attention to What Cracks You UP!

You know how sometimes you’re in the right place at the right time and something totally absurd happens and it turns out to be one of the funniest things you’ve ever seen and then you keep telling the story over and over again until you’re now celebrating your 100th birthday and the same thing is still funny?

OK, I broke the “Say It in Seven™” rule for the opening sentence. But here’s the HOW TO… that unplanned, seemingly insignificant episode stuck with you because you are open to the possibilities.

The “C” words in the Idea Du Jour (see column on the right) – your leverage points – all refer to the positive effects of allowing more space in your filters.

My recommendation?
1. Ask yourself more questions – that’s a coaching secret – and don’t rush with the answers. Simplify. Look for the obvious. Crack yourself UP by combining and canceling, colouring and cooling down. Don’t rush (this process)….hush………….

2. Listen. Don't talk so much. Watch as well as hear. Listen for the obvious; sometimes what's most obvious is most invisible.

3. Write stuff. Every day. Comedian Red Skelton wrote lists every single night before going to sleep. Everyday comments and happenings became his inspiration. Even if it doesn't make sense today, someday it might.

As a coach on call, all you have to do is email me and I'll send you a complimentary checklist of questions. Maggiechicoine@gmail.com .
BTW, subscribe to this feed (see below, way below!) and you'll get these leverage points automatically every Tuesday.

Keep on cracking,
Maggie
www.theideasculptor.com

Join us for Leverage Tuesdays

More about 7 Ways to Slap Your Forehead

See the list on your right!

The Ohhhhh!!!!!! Moment can be elusive; when you need a trigger to get your innovation going again, this is the place to be!

This first set of 7 ways to leverage your ideas… aka slap your head!… all start with the letter A. What’s with that? I’ve categorized this blog alphabetically and numerically as well as using the calendar week, starting with a Tuesday. Analyzers and organizers with strong left-brain tendencies will appreciate the logic, won’t you? The blog postings will be rambling notes and stories, specifically for the emotional touches and the abstract why the heck not right brainers. Ask me about the HBDI if you’d like to learn more about all of this.

Let’s take a look at these 7 points on this 1st list.

Speaking out is a common stuck point... One of yours?
When I teach communication skills, such as how to design presentations, how to get your point across at a meeting, how to negotiate with your boss or your mother, I encourage you to use a mind map. The central focus point of the map houses your key concept. State this concept in 7 words or less, and don’t just stick with the first phrase that comes to mind. You have to work at fine-tuning the concept, because all of the remainder of your content springs from these few key words. This method is called, “Say It In 7™”. Think about cartoon strips: a few words say it all!

“Say It In 7™” needs a strong metaphor attached to it. Use a powerful verb that implies action. The phrase is more than an advertising slogan or a headline. It’s the core of your message.

Try at least 10 different versions! When I birthed the “Say It In 7™” technique, I started with the idea of
§ “just use a few words to say it”
§ “start with a key idea”
§ “stay with a key word”
§ “central message key to central map”
§ “seven words are the max”
§ “In focus with 7 words or less”
§ “Start with a key concept”
§ “Just say it”
§ “Say It In 7™”

Analyze and recombine a variety of elements. Reading over my list above, you’ll notice that all of the versions contributed to the final product. I find it helpful to write ideas on stickies, re-cluster to analyze. Can you make the phrase even shorter and snappier? Abbreviate it. Switch the words around. Make it into a question. Change the verb... there's power in strong actions. And ask a bunch of others for their comments, such as kids and older people. Intergenerational input points out the best features, and suggests options for your weaker ingredients. Listen for the negatives...there are clues about what you haven't totally considered yet!

You might have the best idea on the planet, but it’s all in the timing! Chew over the potential impact of launching your product, confronting your manager or presenting a new recipe to your family on the wrong day or at a strange hour of the day. Think about the BEST timing, for you and for anyone else involved in your venture. Just because you’re so excited and can’t hold back, doesn’t mean they will be!

Which brings us to Ahhhhhhh time! Let the concept rest for a time. Like roast beef fresh from the oven, it’s important to let the juices sit where they belong, just for a while. Slicing too quickly makes your dinner, and your concept – tough and dry. The flash of creative thinking is only the beginning of the process. Don’t rush…hush….

Your to do list? Subscribe to this for automatic updates to the inbox of your choice. (Scroll down until you find my photo at the end of this blog. Total time required: 20 seconds!)

We'll drop by on Leverage Tuesdays! Got a question? Just ask! Or email!


Oooooh!ly yours,
Maggie