Tell Your Story, Dump Your Baggage

Forget Me Knots


“Still, in a way, nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t the time, and to see it takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” - Georgia O’Keefe


Turning a knot into a turning point, takes time. How much of your lifetime are your devoting to growing forget me "knots"? Yes, this play on words involving perennials, has a message. (By the way, the flower in the picture is not a tulip, as some men would argue.)

We've all had friends who tell us to “get over it”. “Let it go.” “Just get on with it already.” Easier said than done, right?

To truly move ahead, you have to do a personal inventory. What’s the stuff you just can’t let go of? Here's the biggest clue. Which stories do you tell, over and over again, almost with the same wording every time someone is willing to listen?

So that’s the first clue. Your Stories.

Listen to your own stories, especially the ones you could tell strangers as well as family. You will hear the regrets, the frustration, the anger bursting through in your words, and your voice. Things that were never totally resolved, that hang on like weeds in your soul.

As a Coach, I hear the angst in the voice, and stories repeated session after session. The following is a true story told by a small business owner. I have made minor edits to her verbatim account, which will appear in "Creative Confessions" later this year.

As you read, pick out the phrases that tell you she has lots of unresolved baggage.

“I’d say that I have a lifelong history of low self esteem and low self worth, letting everybody else but me determine who I was and who I should be and how I should be. I thought that I should be somebody that makes other people happy, doesn’t rock the boat, and it would depend on the kind of situation I was in, friendship wise as to who I portrayed.

I was somebody that would tell you what I thought you wanted to hear. So that I did not rock the boat. As opposed to somebody who would tell you what you needed to hear, and deal with the waves.

As I look back my strongest and happiest time was when my marriage ended, I had this total fu attitude and lots of people were attracted to me. And then probably because of my history of low self esteem I got into a friendship that I thought was good and got me back into a cycle of telling you wanted to hear and what you wanted me to be.

Its ironic because I really didn’t think that being happy would be so hard, because that’s what I ever really wanted and it’s cost me friendships.

There were some communication glitches (in this friendship), we’ll call them, but had there been good communication we wouldn’t’ have had a problem. I suppose there may have been a problem but it might not have escalated, because with honesty and openness and communication… that’s speculation.

I had not been true to myself, there was a lot of situations that felt uncomfortable to me, because do unto others would have them do unto you, I didn’t think that someone would screw somebody over because I would never screw somebody over. It became apparent that this was a mind game, and because of my past history of abusive first marriage full of mind games, I realized how I let myself fall back into that pattern.

I confronted her about it, she lied and said that she never said that and doesn’t appreciate the gossip. And later on that night her husband phoned, and confronted me about confronting her and told me that he was with her the whole time and she had never said that, and asked if I was calling them both f’ing liars? So I left voicemail messages that I would pick up my stuff, and even with 2 vehicles in the driveway there was no answer at the door. The next day I had a message on the machine asking me not to go to her house again. The next day there was a fax with a notice of trespass against me, that I was not allowed on her property.”

Living in the NOW:

“Let your story go”

“Move away from your knots”

"Quite often I find in life that you go back into relationships whether they are healthy or not. And I thought I had made great strides, but I did not realize that I was still carrying baggage with me, which I why I got into these business relationships and friendships over the years.

Being self employed is a very long tough rewarding challenging exciting draining energizing journey that’s not for wimps. Neither is growing old, as my mom always tells me. Be prepared for lots of ups and lots of downs. I was thinking about how people come into your life for a reason, season and a lifetime. So I was thinking about my friend and smiled and said hi when I saw her years later, and she turned her head and walked past me.

So I was thinking the other day that I realized the reason was to teach me how it feels to be true to yourself and stand up for your own integrity and how much it can cost to do that. It was a 28 year friendship, but I wouldn’t change it."

Forget Me Nots as the Option

Legend says, that the tiny blue, pink and white perennials called Forget Me Nots (MFK) symbolize faith and enduring love.

Give yourself a bouquet, just as lovers did in medieval times.

Apparently, a knight and his lady were walking along the side of a river. He picked a posy of flowers, but because of the weight of his armour he fell into the river. As he was drowning he threw the posy to his loved one and shouted "Forget-me-not". This is a flower connected with romance and tragic fate. It was often worn by ladies as a sign of faithfulness and enduring love

When your story becomes part of your past, your language changes. You speak mostly in the “now”. You are able to take the memory and enjoy the turnaround. You live what you have learned.

As our entrepreneur finishes her story, think about what your own ending should be, once you've moved past your knots.

“I know I’m growing. Things don’t hang on, to shit, hurt and anger. I let go and let god. And I look for the lesson in everything because there is one. Sometimes its difficult but sometimes its not, you have to take it all.

Learn to slow down, I’ve been doing exceptionally well managing stress, I’m allergic to it, so now I just take a couple of deep breaths and tell myself that all I can do is the best I can do. One step at a time instead of looking at the whole buffet of tasks, just take one serving. It’s a lot easier.”

This week's assignment from your Coach on Call:

Listen to your own story. Edit. Release. Move on.

If you need to bounce this concept, just call or leave a comment. All responses are individual. I do not publish any comments.

- Maggie

Photo Credit this week: Joni Sharkey