Opposites Attract

Most people don’t enter a relationship carrying a spreadsheet. The phrase, “opposites attract” might explain any unsettling differences in viewpoints and behaviors.

The same principle applies when comparing the extremes of a continuum, a line that connects two polarities. Lets look at the concept of “opposites attract” in another context: the scope of being “resilient” and “vulnerable”.

When you think about being resilient, you might describe yourself as being flexible, bouncing back, stretching when the need arises. What about the definition of vulnerability? Weak, defenseless, exposed: the flip underside world of losing, sucking wind, disappointment and failure.

“Who me? Vulnerable? No way. Things will get better. No, I’m not sleeping all that well right now, but I’ll work it out. Don’t worry. I’m not feeling vulnerable!”

Hear the denial?

On the other hand, resiliency brings self-respect, pride and honour to the table. “Wow, I handled that situation well! I’ll never fall into that trap again. I learned a lot from the experience!”

Being vulnerable, and being resilient are the two bookends of a continuum. At one end, vulnerability exposes our challenges, frailties and humanness. At the other, resiliency brings hope, value, strength and influence into our lives. A strong thread connects the two states of being, pulling and pushing as experiences and situations come your way.

Why Vulnerability Is Good For You

The more you can learn about resilience, the easier it is to admit to being vulnerable. Don’t think of the “V” word as “all or nothing”. Consider instead, that you may be having problems with finances, but your relationships are solid. Your career might be changing tracks, but your zest for learning shows huge potential. Your caregiving responsibilities may not leave time for vacations, but your health is at an all time high.

Resilience means that you can shift when you need to. You can ask for help. You can dig up new resources and deal with the unexpected without falling apart. You can find the valve to release the pressure.

Admit to being vulnerable at times.


Resilience is Learned

Start by figuring out your priorities. If they haven’t changed in the last 10 years, it’s time to do some updating, cleaning out your personal closet of lifestyle choices.

• Ask yourself, what are the milestones you expect to reach before too long?
• What do you commit yourself to doing?
• What are the gaps and the bottlenecks?
• What can you do “now” to make sure that you have an elastic band type plan for when things might get tough?
  
  Resilience is proactive, and preventative.

Who do you know who is the poster child of resilience? Take them out for coffee, and ask about how they’ve handled difficulties and obstacles. Get the inside track; give them credit for their good advice; and use the best of the best from multiple sources.

Usually, resilience is found right in front of your nose. Ask yourself the right questions, and you might discover an extra ounce of insight that’s been invisible, until now.

Your coach on call, no strings attached,
Maggie

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